I have never felt anything for guysbefore. But ever since I put on my mom's clothes, new thoughts arecoming alive....and it scares me.Neil walked in the front door about 15 minutes later and found me lyingface down on the sofa."You ok dude?" Neil asked."What the fuck do you think?" I said back."Did you call the date off yet?" Neil asked scared of the answer."Not yet. I just got home from school." Are you going to call the date off?" was his follow up question."Neil, my brain is crying out in pain. Will you just leave me the fuckalone, I had a long day," I said.I went to my bedroom and laid down. I was trying to gather all mythoughts together. All the different things running through my mind.What to do, what to do? I need to stop putting on mom's clothes. I needto stop thinking about Jackson. I don't want to go on a date to thegame. But yet I want to try on my mom's clothes again. I want to thinkabout Jackson. I want to go to the game. AHHHHHH!!!I thought about it for hours. I saw the. ' After I told him it wasfrom a male, he said, 'the body may be male, however, this test is anexceptionally good indicator of a subject's gender identity, so he thinkslike a woman. What did he say about coming here to see you?'I told him, "You thought, you were a heterosexual transvestite and wantedto know why you could not stop cross-dressing."The psychiatrist then told me 'to have you find the answer to onequestion, when you are cross-dressed and you look at your reflection in amirror, do you feel that you are a man dressed to look like a woman or doyou feel like a woman, find the answer to that question.'I said, "I am male with a girlfriend and I like to cross-dress, soundslike a transvestite; however, if I heard right, my cross-dressing mightbe a symptom of a deeper problem, one that can be helped by answering thequestion and to do that I have to cross-dress to get the answer."He said, "You did get it, I will see you next Saturday, same time. Ifyou have found the answer, then.
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