I was heir, not Lord."Miss Woodhouse. My father has spoken to me much of you," I said."I hope well," she said."All he has spoken has been said with love," I told her.She blushed a little. I was surprised to see this, since I never considered her a blushing girl. "Mister Northam, your father was a married man." So he was and I believe he loved my mother. But a man may have more than one love in his life. I heard his voice as he spoke of you. And now, I can see why he spoke they way he did," I said."Yes, your father was certainly a man of many loves," she said."Ah, you mean poor Miss Bennett," I said."You know?" Miss Woodhouse, my father prepared me for my return. He told me many things, things for which his shame ran very deep, things that made me also ashamed, but he felt I must know the truth so that I would not be surprised at what I might learn on my return. I know he had dalliances when he was young, but I also know he had but one love before he fled to France," I said.Miss. ” I brushed her hand away and dashed for the latrine.Someday I’m going to have to write a book: Zen and the Art of Elimination. I usually mediated when I took a dump. Hey, we’ve got to think of something when we do our business. I figured I might as well use the process of voiding to find enlightenment along with relief.The morning chill had left the potty seat so cold my balls wanted to climb back inside my body. I squirmed and tried to find a warm spot as shivers ran up my spine and rattled my teeth. What the fuck happened last night? How did I end up naked between those two sexy women? I racked my hung-over mind and stumbled through a misty fog bank of blurry memories filed away in last night’s memory folder.Exhibits A-D: Four steaming and delicious mugs of hot buttered rum and homemade brandy (a federal offense).Exhibits E-F: Two contests to determine who could take the most hits from a marijuana-filled hookah in sixty seconds. It became the loser’s task to equal the winner’s toke.
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