.. Twas the night before Christmas, and geez it was neat,The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.The doors were all bolted, and the phone was off the hook,It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.Momma in her teddy, and I am in the nude,Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.Up to the window I sprang like an elf,Tore back the shade while she played with herself.The moon on the crest of the snowman we’d built,Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.When what to my wondering eyes should appear,But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.Sure as I’m speaking, he was as high as a kite.And he yelled to his team, but it didn’t sound right.Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,Either slow down this rig or I’ll cut off your nuts.Look out for the lamp post, and don’t. It was a day like any other. It was the end of the harvest season, when the trees begin to change colour and the wind becomes crisp. Goblins worked in their primitive fields gathering for the coming winter, when out of the brush ran a woman; a human woman. She wasn't watching where she was going, for she wouldn't have ran straight into the midst of the Goblin village otherwise; she started panicking, jumping around like a terrified rabbit surrounded by dogs. She was quickly subdued, had her arms tied behind her back, and was thrown before their chief. But despite all this, it was as if she wasn't scared of the goblins; she was scared of what was chasing her.It was shortly after when another person broke through the brush. A rider on a brilliant white steed, clad in shining armour. The figure drew their sword at the presence of the goblins, and advanced towards the village center where the chief awaited them."Goblins!" they bellowed, "I have no quarrel with you yet! Hand her over, and.
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