You said we are still married in reality but obviously I can't feel that. I feel that I want to move towards marriage with you but I need to work through my mental baggage that seems to be surfacing now the physical side of my recovery has got as far as it's going to go. So..." and I lapsed into silence."Allan, you've no idea how much what you've just said means to me. I'll wait as long as it takes. You are sure now that Derek is in the past for me, no matter what, aren't you? That I'm all yours now and for the future?"I nodded. "Yes. I can't believe how I could ever have mistrusted you, but there are still emotional reactions to your life with him, that he was your lover and you were his. I have to get over those as well. But yes, I trust you to be faithful to me as I will be to you. I've said it before–" You're faithful to your women," she said laughing. Then the laughter stopped and she was serious. "I have to get over you having two lovers as well, you know."It had never entered. Once weget to the dance and have a few dances we can still be together." Lindseyseemed really excited about the prospect of us both attending prom indresses. Suddenly I flashed on the dream I still have sometimes where we areat prom and I am in a dress.....I guess I've already told you aboutthat....anyway, I began to hope that maybe there was some way."Lindsey....I was so looking forward to dancing every dance with you...evenif I had to dress like a boy to do it." What I said was truthful.....butprobably not the whole story."We can still dance together silly, girls dance together all the time!" Thatwas surely true. Hmmm! My mind began to consider the possibilities.After some discussion I agreed that Lindsey and I would meet Frank and hisboyfriend for a coke....just to see what they were like. Other than thebrief incident that happened in a school play where I played the part of agirl and an actor accidently kissed me on the lips....other than that Ihadn't ever interacted with a boy.
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