My eyes on her as I did it to be sure I was doing it right. When I thought I was ready, I rammed it down my throat. This caused me to gag and I nearly threw up. She took it from me and placed her arm around my shoulder. “Kitten, sweetie, slow down. He is going to be so thrilled that you're doing this that he's not really going to care how deep you go. Try it again and be gentle to yourself.”Her arm was still on my shoulder as I kissed the tip once again. I slipped it between my lips once more then I slowly inched it down my throat, taking it back out a little at a time. I managed to get most of it in my mouth before I gagged again. Barb smiled and massaged my back. “You'll be okay, sweetie. Just remember to take your time. Have you had enough?” I nodded yes and handed it back to her, “Yes, more than enough, thank you.”My face grimaced as I handed it back to her.“Go wash it off in the bathroom with warm water and dry it off please. Clean toys are essential. You can get diseases. I was levitating over their cells, levitating over their graveyard. I was thinking of the men, crammed into the dingy rooms, imagining the torture they’d endured. The convicts in chains, counting the hours until they were brought out to the guns. Mosquitoes feasting on their flesh. I sensed a vestigial energy, spirits in the air.Tired of staring at the air, mind in void, I rolled over in bed, pawed at my bedside table, grabbed my phone and cradled it in my hands and its blue light cut through the blackness of the room.I surfed the net and noticed an email from the school. It was a stern warning to all teachers and staff not to throw debris of any sort from our windows or balconies after an elderly man, a Chinese teacher’s father, was seriously injured by a dog that’d been thrown off an upper-storey balcony of a campus apartment building ... There was no word on the dog’s condition.I was beginning to understand more why many of the long-term China expats I’d met were such nihilists.
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