Rick’s ex-wife left him, and from what I understood, it ended badly. That she would go anywhere with Rick comes as a bit of a shock to me. “So, are you two…” Kyle leaves the question unfinished, though his meaning is clear. Rick shrugs. “I don’t know what we are, to be honest. But we’re here, so…” Rick leaves his statement unfinished as well, although that meaning is not at all clear to me. I want to ask, but I’m painfully aware it’s none of my business. Just then, Leslie walks up to Rick and slips her arm in his. She’s tall, blonde and blue-eyed…the opposite of me with my average height, brown hair and green eyes. I don’t think she’s necessarily prettier than me, but for two women Rick has been attracted to, I am struck by how different we are. She reaches out and gives Kyle a half hug with her free arm. “Congratulations, sweetie. I’m so proud of you!” she tells him. “Thanks, Leslie. Now, if you’ll both excuse us…we’ll be down to dinner shortly,” Kyle says, leading me out of the. Anger starts to overwhelm me again.No, stop it. The sea. Look at the sun. Beautiful. There are some doves. Very interesting and underrated animals, worth observing. Especially right now. Relax. I suddenly decide that the mooring lines need to be checked again although I know that they are perfect. I just need something to occupy my mind before the damn thing returns to her again. To Julia. To the evening I discovered the truth. No. Stop it. Shit. This is driving me crazy.On a sudden impulse I jump into the sea, swimming a short distance. It helps to clear my mind. It stops me from getting angry again: from falling into the seething rage that made me avoid other people, especially women. I need to prevent my rage spilling onto innocent bystanders, like it did so often during the last months.It was my sister Annette who told me I´m a ticking time bomb. She was right, of course. She always is. So I chose to live as a hermit: it´s the best solution for everyone. But instead of living in.
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