I lost Don to cancer when I was thirty-nine and I mourned him for two years. Then I started dating and four years later I met and married Dion. Dion had two sons: Phillip who was nineteen and going on twenty, and Todd who had just turned eighteen. Almost from day one Dion was on me for the way I dressed around the house and I shrugged it off. That is I shrugged it off until I finally figured out what Dion's problem was - he was afraid of what might happen - he was jealous of his sons and he was afraid that they might see the way I ran around the house as a come on. Dion was afraid they might get lucky sometime when he was wasn't around!To understand his concern you had to go back to that period in my life when I stopped mourning Don and started dating. There is no nice way of saying it; for those four years I was an absolute slut! The last year of Don's illness had been sexless and so had the two years I'd spent in widow's weeds. When I finally decided that it was time to get on with. She's 21, and her name's Kathy.* Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.* My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."* The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.* A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"* I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."* My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst..
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