"Um, sweetie, I'm not--" Don't say what you are or what you aren't," I said. "That's how people try to define you. They've defined you in lots of ways, haven't they, Beth? By your size. 'She has a good personality.' 'Makes a great bridesmaid.' Always in terms of how men look at you. Well, maybe I look at you a whole different way. Beautiful. Strong. Alluring. Independent. Maybe in a place like Vegas, you can be those things, and anything else you want to be, free of their definitions. You can experiment as much as you'd like, and when you go home no one has to know but you." I stood up. "And if all you want to do is dance, all you have to do is dance and we'll have a lot better time together than if we both spent the rest of the night feeding quarters into video poker. So, Beth, wanna go dancing?"She thought for a moment. "Okay," she said. "Ah'd love to."The disco was tacky but it fit the bill; it was dark, crowded, noisy, and it made us feel like we were alone with each other even. That next morning dawned early for us. Ever since the pediatric cardiologist said those awful words: ‘We have to talk’ we knew this moment was coming, but it was a theoretical, future moment. However, this morning, it was here, before us, right now. Ryan was now just 11 days old – or would be in a few hours, if he were to live that long. We took him form our room, held him, kissed him, and we walked slowly and silently down the hospital hallway, my wife Barbara holding loosely on to my right arm where our son lay nestled. We somberly went through a set of double doors that opened automatically before us, walked further, turned right around a corner to face another double doorway which also opened for us automatically. We went through those doors too, increasingly nervous on the inside, but yet outwardly very calm, turned to our left and went a few more paces and turned right again to face another double doorway. These doors were open, and a woman, a nurse, dressed from hair to toe in.
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