I hugged my legs against my chest and wondered how I would supportmyself, how I would pay my bills, explain my identity, all the problemsanyone would have. I needed a drink.I went into the kitchen and pulled out the bottle of scotch I had gottenas a birthday present last year and poured me a glass. I had alwaysenjoyed the smoothness of a nice scotch, but when I sipped it, there wasno warmth once it left the back of my mouth. I drank the glass as if itwas water, poured another, and then another, and there was no affect onme. I had lost the ability to get drunk.Its strange but that was the thing that set me over the line. Of all thethings I had done that day, not being able to get a buzz was the onethat made me go into a panic attack. I curled up into a ball on thefloor. I started to cry, then sob. What had happened to me? An hourpassed and then two. I couldn't move. I was scared, shocked. My life wasover. I was left with this. What was I going to do? Who was I going tobe? What would be. “Sounds like you don’t believe me” I replied.“Oh, I believe you because I can relate to that as well.” “No way ! How could that be, a beautiful woman like you?”“Didn’t you ever learn ‘not to judge a book by its’ cover?” she stated.“Well, I’m not judging, just finding it hard to believe, you know” I replied quickly.“When was the last time you had sex?” she asked softly, leaning over towards me.I was amazed that she would be so blunt but replied, “You really want to know?”“Tell me, and I’ll tell you, I promise” she whispered. I wasn’t sure how to answer her, but what the hell, I’ll be honest. “About 5 years ago.” I said, sheepishly, very embarrassed.“So, how do you satisfy your needs? Oh, never mind, obviously you masturbate, right?”“And you?” I inquired without acknowledging that she was right. Now the conversation was going in a direction that was almost un-believable. “I watch a lot of porn on the computer” she said very reluctantly almost below a whisper.“Boy are we sad or what?” I.
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