Through rumination and turmoil, mine settled on a single number: ‘six.’ Just like that. I almost laughed aloud. My motives hadn’t been wholly selfless, and I’d certainly knocked both Kyle’s and Jennifer’s lives onto a very different course. I’d also caused them some public embarrassment for good measure. The only reason it wasn’t a higher number, I decided, was because I hadn’t pushed them to do anything more extreme, and I hadn’t imagined them feeling differently about each other. That seemed important, for some reason. Even though I’d violated them terribly, I hadn’t actually changed their minds.Still, six was not a good score on the ‘sleazometer.’ I never wanted to score that high again.Then there was the kiss. Sue.I considered my motivations for that. I had already convinced myself that I had power, so there’d been no real need for further proof. It hadn’t been an escalation from the test with Kyle and Jennifer – and thank goodness for that. In a word, it had been gratuitous. In. Then she told me that was why she was so miserable, because she loved me as well, and she didn’t know what to do. Her eyes started to get watery as she shared her problem, and for a moment we sat in silence, my arm around her. After a few minutes of thinking about the situation, I came to a decision. Looking back, I realise it was probably one of the most important decisions of my life. I turned to Hannah and looked deep into her eyes. ‘Hannah, you know I love you. I will always love you, no matter what. It’s because I love you that I hate to see you in so much pain. So listen. I know you’re not sure if you still have feelings for Claire, so if you need to find out, then I won’t stop you. However, I don’t want to lose you either, so what I propose is this. If you want to see Claire, I won’t mind, but, I want you to promise me that you’ll always come back to me, always see me as the main one in your life. If, at some point in the future we could all three of us get together and see.
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