Oh Well, that’s all you can say. The anger I talked about a moment ago is only one type of anger I feel. I get pissed when store clerks hurry up and end a conversation because they think I’m retarded when my Aphasia acts up. What’s funny is at the rate it’s going in a year or three unless something happens they won’t be wrong.Then there’s the slow burn anger that I feel at my body for betraying me that sometimes flares into a rage when I can’t remember a word or think of how to form a logical approach to a situation. I once audited a course in Mathematical Logic from Stanford without having any of the prerequisites and passed the course work. I passed by the skin of my teeth, but I passed. I find the inability to use logic especially galling.Anger is a two edged sword. Sometimes I can use it to burn through the fog and focus. Other times, it drives me further into the fog. I never know which is which. I already covered the Hyper-Aggression which I’m medicated for so no need to rehash. I heard it close and I died inside. Great racking sobs coursed through my body, I could hardly breathe. Three days ago we told each other about our love and now he’d gone, oh god what had I done. I think that I lost control completely at that point, hysterically crying and sobbing. I came back to the real world with Jo kneeling on the floor in front of me holding me tightly against her and gently cooing in my ear. ‘Sssssssshhhhhhhh, Lena, Sssssssshhhhhhhh, everything will be all right. He’ll come back, I know he will.’ But I wasn’t sure she believed it. ‘He’ll come back,’ she continued the litany, ‘don’t worry, darling, he’ll come back.’ I managed to get my breath, ‘Oh Jo, what have I done, he’s gone.’ Now I felt sick, the emotions coursing through me and the booze were having their effect. Then the doorbell went, ‘I told you,’ said Jo, ‘stay there I’ll go.’ I was in no fit state to do anything, still sobbing gently, mainly in self-pity now, the idea that I’d lost him gnawing away.
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