May I count on you to lend a hand, Sammy?" I'll be glad to help if I can," I said, wondering why she hadn't mentioned Shirley as a resource. Did she know that she wasn't going to be around much longer?" You're a dear, honey. Is there anything I can do for you? What would you like for Christmas?"I had been planning on dropping a hint about needing a new computer anyway. I told Suzanne about Marcy wanting me to get email. "I could use a laptop computer with an internal modem." She assured me that my request was noted.Shirley and I were being asked to dance frequently, only my dance partner was eight years old. Brenda had even managed to be seated at our table."I have to stay with my grandparents until after Christmas," she complained."That must be so you can wait until mid-term to change schools?" I suggested."Nope." Maybe it's because your new room isn't ready." Nope." Could it be so your mother and Carter can spend some time alone?" You got it; mom wants to make a baby before her. “Yeah, I am,” I said. I would find out later, much later, that it had been my daughter that showed up unannounced. And, I didn’t know it at the time, but her fiancé had been with her. On one level I would like to have seen her, but I did not, could not, deal with the feelings a meet up like that one was bound to unleash on the both of us. I would send her a note reiterating my reasons for not seeing her. That had to be enough. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN 2013 I looked up at the beat up calendar my cellmate had somehow managed to get put up on the wall behind the seatless toilet at the back our little space. In two weeks it will have been six years since my incarceration. I was hurting, hurting bad. I missed her so much, my Stacey, and I cried almost daily because of that reality. I needed her so bad! My God I did. Oddly, crazily, the physical pain and humiliation of all of those other things was kind of cathartic. Cathartic because they took my mind off of my worst agonies. I hoped she.
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