There are so many things I don't know. Things Ruth takes for granted. Explaining them to me isn't easy. I try to learn. I have my hair done. The useless expense still bothers me but I push down my anxieties. I want something easy to manage. The hairdresser tries to oblige. Ruth supervises. She is pleased with the results. We start to experiment with makeup. A touch of lip gloss. Some mysterious pigments from jars. When I see myself I have trouble recognizing me. Even my hands and feet have changed. I try several nail polishes and settle on a faint pink. Ruth approves. When she's not around I try some wilder makeup experiments. The results are garish. I look like something from an old movie. The hell with this. I am still the same person. Or not that different anyway. Yet. Ruth is married to John now. I still don't know him well. I don't think I want to. I have gotten over wanting Ruth. I think. Down inside myself it's probably still hiding there. I need to be a woman all the way. I. The second attempt went better. He held her up while Amanda stretched protesting legs. Taking a couple short steps, Amanda managed to keep her balance without support. It took effort, though, and there was no way she'd be able to walk that way. Moving her back so she was leaning on the tree again, Ger quickly broke camp and packed everything up. He tied the pull straps of the stretcher bag to his waist, enjoying how light it felt without her weight, then gathered the young girl to his side."You ready to learn to walk again?"Despite the obvious strain on her face, her eyes twinkled with her usual mirth."Goo Goo!" That's my little baby!" Without thinking, Ger leaned over and kissed her on the nose like he use to do with a young cousin. Amanda giggled ... then stopped giggling. Her eyes regarded him with a seriousness that ... he found himself returning.They both seemed to come to their senses at the same time. Ger flexed his shoulders and got the kinks out of his body, then tightened.
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