” “Curiosity?” Elle got up and took a bottle of wine from the rack. Jeff looked on pensively as she refilled her glass and then topped up his own glass. “You’re the only guy that I have ever had sex with,” she started to say, “I’ve always been curious about what it would be like with someone else. Not that I would ever do it. But I like to think about it at times. I like to watch videos of other couples, especially black guys and white girls.” Jeff sat back, taken aback with her confession. Elle reached across the table and put her hand over his. “I do love you, you know, and would never cheat on you.” Elle told him. “I just like to fantasise about it sometimes.” Jeff squeezed her hand. “You need to be careful on the internet, you know,” he said. “You don’t know who you are talking to. There are some right nutters out there.” Elle gave a smile of relief. “I know. I am careful. He knows nothing really personal about me. He is quite genuine though.” Jeff looked up at her. “I. ”“You should go back,” I say tersely, “I’m not feeling well.”She makes it clear that she’s not going anywhere, so I excuse myself to use the bathroom, glancing into my bedroom furtively, as I walk down the hall. The curtain is billowing out gently in the breeze. He must have ducked out the window.Fuck!!I jerk off quietly in the bathroom, my orgasm comes quickly and is so unsatisfying it’s almost painful. A single thought dominates - When the hell will I see him again?“Are you okay, baby?” Jess asks again.I look down at her concerned, caring face, and I honestly just don’t have the strength to lie to her again. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t stand anything getting in the way of me seeing him. Never again. I just can’t take it. So, I sit her down, and tell her that no, I’m not okay. Something has changed and I don’t feel the way I used to. I tell her that what we have, is not what I want anymore. She sits silently next to me, blinking hard before quiet, silvery tears trickle down.
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