Now I respect him for whatever he did. If he was happy being worried, sad, lonely, sick, I am happy for him. He died before I could reach him, never told us he had heartburn on exertion. He feared hospitals, but I wish he made an effort to tell me. I could not give him everything. I might have operated him myself, provided better vascularisation, extended his life, decreased his misery a bit. I ll never know.He loved us the way he could, I guess we did the same too. But, but, but as long as I m alive, I wish we could have been better dad-son. Wish I was stupider. Wish I could enjoy TV along with him, or be there every day making life for him, or I was never born so he could spare the time he spent on me and did what he enjoyed most a more. I will never know.I have regrets, now that he is dead. I had them when he was alive. I think I tried to live his life for him. I backed out frequently allowing him freedom to chose, he didn't.Maybe that was his choice.My mom was a piece of art. I. She stroked my face again, and despite myself I looked longingly at her now bra-clad boobs. “Rachel, baby, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” she assured me. She smiled, and kept dressing. “Let’s just say that the ad you responded to wasn’t the first I’d placed. I’ve… Done this before,” she said coyly. “You would be AMAZED at how many women your age, younger, and even five, 10-some years older, have the kind of fantasies you do.” I thought about that with a grumpy look on my face.“That’s why I LOVE doing this,” she explained, trying to tame her JBF hair in the bathroom mirror. “I’m 50 years old. Everything you’ve heard about how hard it is for older women to get lucky is true.” She flashed a wicked smile. “But tell women half your age you’re willing to play Mommy…”“So do you have any kids?” I asked. I was still stinging a little from the question about whether I’d ever had sex with my mom. Let’s see her walk the walk.She looked like she would burst. “I do have a daughter,” she.
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