.. Wait a minute, yesterday morning before going to the clinic you told me you were not John, if you are not him, who are you?"That was a question that once, not so long ago, in my dreams I had wished her to make me, now I wasn't so sure, "Doesn't matter anymore, just keep you healthy for your baby and don't forget in a month you have the good doctor waiting for you, now if you don't mind..." But I mind, won't you at least let me explain the last days, what was on my mind, what was in my soul? Why I seemed an autistic. It wasn't that I don't want a child it is I'm afraid, I have a son around your age and my childbirth labor was very long and complicated before his birth." She paused, thinking, I assume, trying to explain herself so she could get to me, to my obtuse mind closed to anything that was not my anguish and sorrow."Don't you see it's not I don't love you, it was a surprise knowing I'm pregnant at my age and fear made me act that way; I had always wanted more children but my. But Billy had conjured up an image of his mother, that made her a shining, vivacious, lovable creature. He had always dreamed of the day when he would meet her, and now it was here. He had thought of her wishfully every night, after he and Ma Baylor had had that nasty scene.The sandy-haired thirteen-year-old stared at the scenery flashing by as the train picked up speed, and his mind lapsed back to the Saturday it had happened. Ma Baylor had gone shopping and Pa Baylor had gone to a ballgame. Billy was in the bathroom playing his new game--the game that had almost overnight become his favorite pastime. It felt so good when he played with himself, so good that he saw no reason not to do it often. And though he felt a vague guilt afterwards, he pushed it aside, for he felt too good while he was doing it to ever give it up.The boys at school had made jokes about his "jerking off", but they didn't make sense to Billy. What it had to do with "fucking" and "balling" and "screwing chicks",.
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