.I wonder...have you ever wonderedwhat it would be like living as a girl?"I had, as a matter of fact. I'd better explain this, so you don'tget the wrong impression. I didn't dislike being a boy. I didn'tdislike having a boy's body. At seven, I still had only the vaguestnotion of the physical difference between boys and girls, but if Ihad known more, I would have wanted to keep those boy parts--atleast back then.But I hated the life I had to live as a boy. We never talked about"sex-role stereotypes" in those days, but if we had, that's whatI would have objected to. The insane, compulsive machismo. Thenearly constant violence. The disdain for every kind of activityexcept athletics. The strong back; the weak mind.And yes, sometimes, on really bad days, I would go to bed and pray,"O God, make me into a girl." But I was praying for relief fromthe masculine stereotyping and abuse that tormented me, not for adifferent body. Not back then. It wasn't so much not being a boyas not. In fact, I have to admit that Freddy wasnt an ugly-looking guy at all. He was about 5 8 tall and had an athletes slender, muscular type of body. But it was Freddys smart-alecky personality that I couldnt stand. I thought he acted like a real jerk most of the time. The house I lived in when I was growing up was small, and especially so for a family of six. There was me, my mother and father, my older sister, my younger brother, and my little sister, all packed into that 850-square-foot home. So I used to go to Marias even-smaller house out in the back yard to watch television by myself on Sundays, in order to take a break from my not-so-small family for a while. Freddy and his mother would normally be at church on Sundays. And Maria actually encouraged me to spend some much-needed alone time in her little house, whenever she and her son were away at church. However, on this one particular Sunday, I didnt know it yet, but I wasnt alone in the little guest house. During a TV commercial,.
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