The ghastly green numbers laughing at me as their fiery green color scream 3:00. Lifting it from the floor, I place it gently back on the table, wanting only to throw it against the mirror, the wall, the window, any where, but I don’t. He walks over to me and lays his hand on my shoulder. Jerking my body away from him, I shake with rage. This was not a gift, or a present, it was a curse, a mean spirited tease to us. It was forced upon us, and we lived it, only to have it ripped from our bodies. ‘We still have so much to do,’ I tell him, as he brings my face to his. His smell intoxicates me. ‘There will never be enough time.’ ‘I know,’ my face looks up to his and I see everything, I was supposed to have but can’t. Turning away, my heart burning in my chest, my hands come up and cover my face and I feel myself jerk away from him. He is waiting, waiting for me. He gives me a moment to collect myself. We are both thinking the same thing, both of us suffering. I turn to him, my body, my. You are the one who said, "They weren't supposed to get me pregnant." They means more than one Janet and in my book more than one is a gang fuck." Damn it Billy, that's not the way it was. Okay, there was more than one, a lot more, but you make it sound like I was going out and picking them up and that's not what happened. I love you Billy and I would never have run around on you. I would never have gone out looking for another man, never. When you get right down to it what happened to me is all your fault. If it hadn't been for you it never would have happened." My fault? That's a laugh. I can understand your trying to put the best face on what you did, but my fault?" Yes Billy, your fault. You are the one who set the whole thing up, you and your damned penchant for phone sex when you are away from home. You are the one who has me stay at the office late when you are out of town so you can call the 800 number and have phone sex. You are the one who was so cheap that you didn't want.
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