Therapy with a capital 'T'.I was reaching for the phone when I had my best idea. There was an ad in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer (is that even a fucking word??) that said,"REAL IMPERSONATORS!!Yeah, really funny. But it said they had a Brittany Spears. So I choked back my laughter and started thinking of all the good therapy I could get from a real fake Brittany Spears. It doesn't take too much imagination does it? I kept reaching for the phone alright, but it was a different number I dialed.Her mom answered. "Hello?" Hi, I wanna hire a real fake Brittany Spears." Oh! You have the wrong number, sorry." Fuck!!" I screamed and slammed the phone down. It wasn't her mom.I dialed the right number, more slowly this time."Real Impersonator's." It was a fat bored balding mustachioed sounding man with a plate of chicken wings on his lap. But I'm just guessing."Hi, I wanna hire a real fake Brittany Spears." Okay, it's a hundred bucks for a halfday, evenings it's 150. What's the occasion?". Kelly: a few years younger than us, and weird. The verdict’s still out on her looks. She’s freckled and looks younger than she is, but who knows what she could develop into, maybe her mother. Like her mother she talks a lot but she says weird, immature things that remind you how young she is. Anyway, I leave Ben’s room and close the door mostly behind me. To his knowledge I’m just going to the bathroom. But actually, I take a few steps more and sneak into his parents’ bedroom. The room appears clean and fairly boring – the bed is on the right and there is a TV next to it. On the left are closets, painted white. In between the first and second closet, concealed from the outside, is a column with four shelves, stacked vertically. I open the first closet door slightly ajar and reach my hand in on top of the highest shelf, on top of the column. This is where Mrs. V keeps her panties. There’s nothing particularly special about Mrs. V’s panties. They aren’t red satin thongs or crotchless.
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