"Good morning, John," she says cheerfully. "How do you feel?" Weird," you say.The sound of your voice freezes her in mid-step. She is looking at you in complete shock. She struggles for a minute to find words. "Did you just say...Did you say that you feel weird, John?" she asks with a weak smile and a furrow in her brow. She is looking at you like you are some kind of strange animal.You feel uncomfortable. You don't know why she looks so horrified. "Um...yes," you say, swallowing hard. Your lips feel fat and swollen and your throat is tight. Your voice sounds funny. You feel like you haven't spoken in quite a while.She points over her shoulder in the direction she came from. "I'm going to get Dr. Pembrost, John," she says, her voice trembling. "You just sit tight and I'll be right back, ok?"You try to nod, but the pain in your neck makes you grimace. The young woman runs out of view behind the curtain and you find yourself alone again.You wonder why the young nursing assistant looked. She thanked him for the compliment but played it cool. Agirl doesn't divulge her little secrets after-all!But from that moment on she knew John was watching. It made her feelexcited all over again. Just like those early days practicing in front ofthe mirror, imagining the boys from school seeing her smoke. Feeling sogrown up and sexy. Smoking like her mom! She had earlier suspicions thatJohn might like watching girls smoke. She had noticed the way he wouldlook at her mom; always quick to light her cigarette and having such acontent look on his face when his mom would be sitting there smoking.She wondered but never knew. Now she did! She was always careful to smokein a proper and feminine manner. It's what had attracted her to smokingin the first place. The women she had taken note of while doing it werealways accentuating their femininity with their smoking, not detractingfrom it. So from the very first time right up until now it had played abig part in her development. Never smoke.
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