Her heart was pounding and she was breathing fast but she settled down after a couple of minutes. A couple more and she opened her eyes. It took a bit for her to get them in focus and then she looked at me and smiled. "Hey big brother. How are you doing?" Oh, I'm doin' OK. How are you doin'? I was wondering if you were going to make it." Me too. But I'm sure I'll be OK after a while."Now that I knew she was OK, I gave her a peck on the head and got up."Don't go." I'll be right back." I went into the bathroom, turned on the tap to warm up the water, took a piss, then cleaned myself off. I wet a washcloth and wrung it out.She was lying back with her eyes closed and a look on her face. I'd never seen one but I knew it was a "just fucked" look. I put my hand on her hip so as not to scare her and started to gently clean her nether region. She had been laying on the messy robe, so I rolled her over on her stomach and pulled the robe out from under her, rolled it up as best I could and. "Yes," I said, "perhaps next week."As it turned out, there was no next week, at least not for the Methodist Church and me. My not going to church didn't have anything to do with the church. It was simply one of those days when I didn't feel like looking the world in the face. I slept late, felt guilty, and frittered time away writing in my journal and catching up on email correspondence.But I was back the week following, this time without any particular nervousness about being there, and without feeling the need to observe the order of service carefully. Predictably, this Sunday was just like the one two weeks ago. This week, when the fellow with the microphone came by, I was seriously studying a bit of architectural detail where the east wall of the sanctuary intersected the ceiling. My feeling was that I sat there and let the service flow past me. I wasn't there for the religiosity of it, I wasn't there seeking Christian salvation for my soul, and I wasn't there to build a.
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