"You won!" he said, "You won Gold at the twenty twelve London Olympics!" "Fucking hell," I said, "I never realised!" Is there anyone you want to thank, your trainer?" he asked."Yeah, Weatherfield Council for giving me the job on the bins what got me fit," I suggested, "The Lads down the Flying Horse, the." I couldn't really think,"Sandra for letting me fuck her half price."The TV bloke looked really worried, "So to what do you ascribe your outstanding performance to," he asked, "Training, diet perhaps?" Ten pints of Stella most nights," I said, "And fags to steady the nerves," I added, "Woodbines mainly!" Was the altitude training a key component?" the bloke asked."Oh yeah, if shagging Suzanne on Ilkley Moor is altitude training!" I agreed, "It's bollocks really ent it," I said, "All this training!"The TV director bloke was doing his nut, making cut signs, "Concentrate on the fucking second and third battle," he said. "I can't they're fucking knackered," the interviewer said on live. "I don't see why I had to wear the bra too." When we get into town I assumed you wouldn't want to look out of place.That cape wouldn't look right without two little bumps sticking out, wouldit?"I guess it wouldn't, but what about my face?" Don't flatter yourself. You're not dripping with masculinity yet. With alittle makeup, you might even be as pretty as me." Ouch. You really know how to kick a guy when he's down." Don't worry. Pretty boys grow into handsome men. Dad was pretty." I'm going to tell him you said that."An hour later they arrived at the rental company's office. Right beforeshe got out of the car Lucy reached into her hair and pulled out herheadband. She slid it into Charlie's hair, saying, "It goes with theoutfit. Wouldn't want anyone thinking you weren't put together, do you?" Just hurry up. I want to get out of this as quickly as possible. I don'tunderstand how you put up with this prissy shit."As Lucy walked to the door she was surprised to see it fly open before.
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