I think though, that I was making excuses. There was a part of me that tried to justify what I was doing and why. Over time though I stopped fooling myself.If I'm honest with myself, I got into it simply for the attention and to be desired. I'm not being overly critical of myself, just honest, when I say I'm a very plain looking person. Nothing wrong with it, simply the way some of us are. The spots I went to were visited by either gay men or straight/bi men. The gay men of course had no interest in me. The bi men though, many of them were my age and older. Many were married. Many had a non existent sex life at home. Almost all kept what they did quiet and were just as worried about people who knew them finding out. So although it was scary it also felt safe in a weird way.Although with most there was very little, if any, talking, some you got to know, at least a little. Even the ones you didn't talk with you recognized their faces and they recognized yours. You might see them at the. You’ve seen how she relates to people and she loves her paternal grandparents, but she occupied herself most of the time with various toys, paper and pencil, a little computer which seemed to be teaching her Spanish or maybe Latin – I couldn’t really make it out at all clearly. But every so often she’d approach her grandfather or grandmother with something and they’d pay attention to her for a few minutes, then she’d be off again. Late in the afternoon, as I was thinking it was time to be leaving, Helen left the room and reappeared with an old-fashioned tea-trolley laden with an old-fashioned English Tea; sandwiches, scones, cakes, a large tea-pot, small plates and matching bone-china cups and saucers. It wasn’t something entirely foreign to me; my own grandparents would have done much the same. Anyway, it was obvious we’d be staying well into the evening, and we did.When it was obviously time to get Karen home for bed, the ladies left the room first and Bob held my arm to detain me.
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