One day, I just said ‘We’re not going back there ever again. That would be a huge step in the wrong direction.’ Alice agreed with my decision for herself. We ended up challenging all we’d learned about Christianity, God, and the humankind; we rewrote what we fundamentally believed.“Another example came up when Dori had our group all swap ‘wives’ or partners for a week. Alice disappeared with Owen, and I was sure I’d lost her to him. I had more angst and bile in my veins than blood that week, even though Christie and Heather had replaced Alice and Pam in my life for that time. I finally decided in a hard decision that I could lose Alice; that if she thought she’d be happier with Owen; I’d help facilitate that for her because I loved her and wanted her to find her own nirvana. I think I understood love for the first time that week when I thought about letting Alice go to find her happiness with someon else. I’d learned I loved Heather especially during that week, and I decided I wanted. I sat back on the couch smugly, basking in the warmth of the realization that there was a college out there looking at me for their team. What a great feeling!However, as I replayed the conversation in my mind, I got restless. It took me a few minutes to realize what was making me uncomfortable. Here was another situation where I was not very honest with somebody who was trying to do something for me, and my deceptive description of my injuries to Pick Cropper seemed like it was another of those Sean Porter defects, and one that directly confronted how firm my resolve was going to be in keeping the pledge I had made to myself, just a couple of days ago.My bruised ribs hurt like hell, and there was a dull throbbing in my sliced-up arm, but these pains were minor compared to the self- inflicted battering my conscience was taking.I tried to tell myself it was all a fabrication of my own addled mind as I tried to find a comfortable position on the couch. The television was on, but it was.
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