But I never come right out and say it. I don’t say: ‘I had a stupid, minor, entirely avoidable car accident and that – combined with being a full time single-dad – has got me feeling like I’m running on empty.’ For the life of me, I wish I knew how to say ‘I haven’t felt this down since Marlene died.’ I just repeat myself. ‘I’m such a fucking idiot.’ ‘Should I be drinking, too?’ You ask. That makes me smile for a moment. ‘Only if you want. I’m just. . . Before I had kids. . .’ That’s a sentence that’s going nowhere, so I try again. ‘I’m just having a week where it feels like every day is harder to get through than the day before.’ ‘Something happen?’ ‘No, it’s something with me.’ And then I talk. I tell you about the frustration of being on my own over a year with the kids and suddenly realizing I have no idea where the wound disinfectant is in my own apartment. Or the depression of realizing that I was getting angry at my Marlene for not putting the band-aids back where they belong,. Pete looked out over the current river and stretched his legs out in front of him. He sighed and said, ‘Thanks for your help today. I didn’t think I’d finish the sanding until at least next weekend. Heck, I am ready to paint at least a week earlier than I thought I would be thanks to you.’ ‘I really enjoyed it Pete. I didn’t think once about…’ Becky stopped talking and pressed her lips together. Pete saw the tears in her eyes. She shook her head and made a broken sigh. Pete thought a moment. He really didn’t know what to say or do or if he even should say or do anything. Finally he decided to say, ‘Becky I heard. I mean, well I was told about your daughter and husband. I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t help much and I know I really don’t know what you are really going through but I sort of do too. My life turned to shit and I had to divorce Cindy. I lost my daughter then too because she took Cindy’s side and won’t talk to me at all. I know it’s not the same as you had to go through but.
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