Then my mind went to “This is really happening to me. I’m going away.” So I threw myself a pity party then I remember she had given me GRAPES! When I got home I could eat them. A small burst of joy went through me followed by FUCK! I’m living a Ralphie May comedy routine.Ralphie May had a routine where he talked about how happy retarded people were because they are pleased by simple things. While non-retarded people were unhappy because nothing ever pleased them.He asked, “Do you know how to make a retarded person happy? A Scooby-Doo lunch box and if they find a thermos of chocolate milk in it the motherfucker hit the lottery. While we couldn’t be happy because our Lexus wasn’t quite as new as our neighbor’s.I went from unhappy about a real world problem that affects every aspect of my life to instantly happy because I had grapes. I then realized what had just happened and felt chagrined.In other news, they set my Social Security trial for January. It would be really nice for them to. Anything you want someone to do, they'll do it." Wait, anything anything?" There are conditions for sex." Alright, tell me them." First, you can order someone to strip out of clothes without any strings attached. Second, if you want to get anyone to bed with you, it entirely depends on their perception of you. Once you start to initiate what is perceived as the "sexual demands", the woman, or women, of your choosing will undergo a supernatural selection process. Their eyes will momentarily glow slightly and they will walk around you doing a full body scan. Your attributes will be assessed against their ego, their desires, and a decision will be made. If everything in their mind points to "I will have sex with this guy", they are COMPLETELY under your control; something that only occurs after assessments. This is a safety precaution to keep sick fucks from going and preying on youngins." You know, that's pretty "un-evil" for a demon to have legit conditions on a deal. I always.
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