Brian nuzzled his face into his grandfather's sweater, smelling wonderfully of pipe smoke and mothballs."Brian?"Brian looked over at his grandmother. The shape of her face was so elegant, framed by silver hair as she took another sip of bourbon, leaving a red lipstick smear on the Waterford crystal tumbler."Brian?"Brian closed his eyes and just enjoyed his grandfather's embrace, never wanting it to end. His grandfather hugged him closer, and kissed the top of his head. "Our family future lies in your hands," he said gently."Brian, are you okay?" Tina shook him gently.Brian opened his eyes and saw his wife kneeling beside him, a worried expression on her face."I'm fine..." he said, a little unsteadily."Are you sure?"Brian looked at the newly remodeled house, unable to think coherently. He was sitting at the front door, where he had sunk to the floor, in shock. "What ... how ... the house???" he sputtered, barely able to speak, much less think."Oh Brian! I'm so sorry!" Tina blurted. Of course there was another big reason that I couldn't easily accept Jeanne's infidelity. In our culture men who allow other men to enjoy sex with their wives are viewed as wimps. Everyone assumes that these men must be sexually inadequate. After Jeanne announced that she was going out with Derek Fischer I questioned my own sexual competence and desirability. Of course Jeanne's jab that women wouldn't want me because I was losing my hair and had a middle aged paunch heightened that fear. Meeting Jennifer Rawlins in The Cosmopolitan Lounge was the first stroke of good fortune that helped me overcome my insecurity about my own sexual appeal. She made it clear that she found me very desirable. She also provided me with a creditable explanation as to why Jeanne was choosing to do her sexual experimentation with a man she barely knew rather than with her husband of almost thirty years, the father of her children. Jeanne's visit to San Francisco also helped to alleviate my fears that she.
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