I had a lot of time to think about myself, my past, my present, but not my future, because I know that my future is not in my hands so I don't waste too much of my time thinking about it.What has changed most though is the relationship between my Mistress and me. Of course she's the Mistress, I'm her slave, nothing has changed about that, quite to the contrary. If anything, it's even more like that than ever before. But there's something else too, a deep trust from my side, almost like a child trusts her mother to keep her from harm and to want the best for her. However, I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm loving her unconditionally. Not yet, but maybe that will change too. Stranger things have happened to me, with me, in the past weeks.I have also learned that pain isn't just bad. Some of my most intense experiences are closely connected with tremendous pain. Those experiences haven't always been nice, but they never broke me, and to know how much I can stand gives me a lot of. I realised that I wanted sex with a man whilst I was aroused in this way. I won't detail how but I happened to spot a cock bulge one day and chatted to a friend about my fantasy about having sex with a very thick cock. I plucked up courage and asked for an address and phone number. I was surprised to find I had seen a retired gent who had also been widowed over 3 years ago and was agreeable to a no strings meeting. My friend also knew him socially. He lived miles away and we had no other connection. My friend was able to reassure both of us that we would be safe alone together!!That day at work was so long. I was aroused and knew I wanted to play a couple of games with him to fulfil my sexual desires. I wanted to sit on his face and ask him to lick my wetness until I came. I wanted him to see how much I can ejaculate vaginally. I knew he was very thick and that at five feet tall my vagina internally is tight. For years I have wanted to sit on a thick man and do it to him without him.
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