But he was genuine and when we struck up a conversation in the library I was sure that we’d be great friends. And I was desperate for a friend. He was two years ahead of me and would often talk in circles – or at least it sounded like that. He was studying history and was brilliant to listen to. We struck up a fast friendship and quickly became inseparable. It wasn’t a “love connection” really. I preferred a different kind of man. But as a friend, he was closer to me than almost anyone. We studied together, hung out together, laughed together. We talked about everything.We were at his apartment and the movie we were watching had long ended. Our conversation had meandered through the usual gripes and gossip and had settled on past relationships. Neither of us had much experience with relationships and we ended up laughing at our “sad” list of conquests. I hadn’t opened up about my past and really couldn’t explain to him that my only relationship was with a very controlling dad who. Neither of us enjoy the freedom or opportunities we used to have. But the bit I'm really struggling with is that I did fuck you last night."It was clear from her expression that she didn't understand. I could still hear her saying that I could have done anything I wanted, that she wouldn't have minded, but somehow I felt I had crossed a line. "How much do you remember?" I asked."I can remember going back to the room and being on the bed naked. It does start to get a bit vague after that. I think we started doing sixty-nine, but I really don't know if that was just me dreaming. Please just tell me what happened so I can figure out why you seem so worried."So I told her, exactly as I have told you. Every touch, every movement, every thought and feeling. As the story unfolded, I grew more nervous, thinking she would be upset, worrying she would be angry. I pushed my half-eaten breakfast away from me, unable to face taking another mouthful.I finished the tale, half expecting.
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