This shouldn't be an issue; being normal there shouldn't be anydifferent from being normal here. The speed my mind had jumped toother unhealthy thoughts suggested otherwise however. I'd be away,where no one knew me, with a hotel room to myself for three wholenights, what could I get up to with all that time?Dammit, idiot! You already live alone, and you've pierced your earsand navel, gotten a tattoo, and, oh yeah, started growing boobs, howcould being away from home give you more freedom? But it didn't matter,I could feel the temptation seething away inside me. I was going tohave to white knuckle through this trip, this escape from normality, toavoid losing my precious little progress back to normal life.A week later, at four in the morning, I stared at my open suitcase andits contents. The cab to the airport would be here any minute. Iprobably didn't have time to repack now even if I wanted to. It wasn'ta complete disaster. There were enough business casual wear to getthrough. She didn’t reply which upset me but perhaps she was having trouble sorting out a new apartment. After a couple more days I began to have doubts. Perhaps I’d just been a fling during her English studies after all. God that hurt. It was the first time I had ever felt a physical pain over a woman — well if you don’t count Felicity Travis when I was thirteen. By the end of the week I knew it was all over. It only took me a couple of days in London looking for accommodation to find the small furnished flat in Battersea. I fastened a card with my new address to the notice board in the hall of the house in Brighton and told the ‘space cadet’ astrophysics students to forward any post that might turn up. God knows what, because I texted and emailed everyone with my new addresses, real and electronic. Why did the University have to be so bloody stuffy about cancelling email accounts right after graduation? It was a shame I hadn’t got a French email address from Émilie. I drop the photos in.
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