. well; it all seemed so phony now.Sarah looked up at me, “Bass can I explain?”I looked at her. I felt empty, defeated; it was like all the life was drained out of me, “Sarah there’s nothing to explain. I just want to go to sleep.”My headache didn’t seem quite so bad, but I knew the symptoms, and I knew I dare not take anything until I was more certain. I told her, “I’m staying here till a few days after the funeral. I’ll sleep down here, but after that I’m moving to mom and dads. I’ll come back in the evenings to be with my girls, but I want you to know it’s for them, not you. You know I’m the executor mom and dad’s estate. Rath won’t like it, but I intend to take my time. I have the comp time so I plan on taking a brief leave of absence until my head clears.” Of course the ‘comp time’ thing was a joke. Everybody had ‘comp time’. Nobody ever used it.Sarah was holding my knees, “Bass won’t you let me say anything?”I shrugged, “Sarah the only reason I’m still alive and here right now. Mujhe gudgudi ho rhi thi.Baat khtm hone ke baad woh thoda bagal men ho gyi lekin mujhe abhi bhi us se lipatne ka mann kr rha tha.Maine kaha “tum apne bete ko bahut pyaar krti ho na”.Itna sun na tha ki uske aankhon se aansun niklne shuru ho gye.Maine use pyaar se apne baahon men bhar liya aur uske maathe ko chumne laga,uski saasen mere gale se takra rhi thi aur mujhe garam kr rhi thi.Main darr rha tha ki kahin uska haath mere khde lund ko chhu na le.Maine apne mobile men funny video nikala aur use dikhana suru kar diya.Usne apna sir mer haath pe rkha hua tha.Jab bhi video khtm hota woh haste-2 idhar udhar lotne lagti aur uski chuchiyan mere chhanti se touch hone lagti.Mere sharir ka taapmaaan bdhta hi ja rha tha.Fir hum aise hi baaten krne lage,aur main apna haath peeche se modkar uski peeth sahla de rha tha.Tabhi mujhe unke kadmon ki aawaaz sunaai di. “thik hai ab humen sone chlna chahiye” maine us se kaha. “thik hai” usne bhi kaha.Fir main uske chahre ke paas pahuncha aur uske gaal.
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