.. and Kristen keeps wanting me to try to help seduce her. You know, have a threesome with her, me, and Mom. Yeah, she shares me with girls, too! I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Please ... can we stay with you, Your Majesty?” the pizza boy told me, “I made a point of trying for this particular delivery to this particular address, you know.”“Okay, but here’s the deal. Your mother is clearly a single mom, right?” I pointedly asked Art now.“Yes, yes, she is, since the divorce, which she often regrets. It was the standard cheating husband gets the boot by cheated wife kinda deal and she really wishes that she hadn’t kicked him out. But now it’s too late. He’s in prison these days. Vehicular homicide, due to DUI,” Art confessed as he disrobed in front of me in hopes of enticing me.“Alright, then. Your father has to serve his time. That’s rough, but necessary. Sorry, no getting out of that. In the meantime, your mother is my fifth wife. You are now to marry your luscious. Today!" he hissed."Why the baby?" I asked him."They taste better! They taste like candy." He licked his fangs, trying to intimidate me."Oh! I can understand that," I said. "I happen to think blondes taste better too. Well ... not better, sweeter."He frowned."You're too young and now you'll never know," I told him. "Redheads, brunettes, blondes taste different..."I turned my head to look at the terminal and leaned towards the vampire."Down there!" I whispered. "Like I said, blondes are sweeter. In general, brunettes go muskier but some days I want 'earthy'. Redheads kind of taste like cocktail sauce. Spicy!"He looked confused for a second. Shaking his head, he stared at me. "Give me the baby NOW!" Well, see ... the thing is--it's not a baby," I said. "It's a baby girl! And her momma, you had one of those, right? Or did you eat her? Doesn't matter! Her mommy gave the baby girl to me." She's mine!" I know, I know," I said. "I was going to give her to you. Not really, but go with me! I.
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