I was wearing a mid-thigh length black skirt and halter top. My top was much exposing, showing my big cleavage and good amount of my bare back and my love handles. But I didn’t mind it since it was a bar party. After formal introductions to a few seniors, a very hot senior named Aakash asked me for a dance. Aakash sir had a great muscular body. We had crossed paths in college a few times but didn’t talk much as interaction with seniors was almost restricted. As we approached the dance floor, he put his arm around my waist, particularly my love handles. I was enjoying his attention and the warmth of his hands on my skin.We started dancing to the song “Party on my mind”. As the time passed, we came physically closer. Aakash Sir was complementing my beauty and dressing sense and I was smitten by him. Minutes later we hit the bar to get drunk. A couple of drinks later, I realized that he was kissing me. I too kissed him back, parting my lips to give way to his tongue.That was one hell of. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't deserve love anyway, not even love for myself. I did a horrible thing to someone else and deserve to suffer for it. Coincidentally, I've found a perfect way to do that. Sexual humiliation has become something I am rather good at taking and being used has taken over any of my previous sexual preferences.Finding the men is easy enough, especially when I tell them that I don't care who they are - something that seems mutual to most men nowadays. I don't think I've even asked their names the past few times. Thankfully, they don't mind that.Sometimes there are handsome ones who come along who seem nice enough but I prefer to blindfold them beforehand. Truth be told, I do it because I can't stand the thought of another man that I'm attracted to seeing how ugly I am underneath my clothes. Gratefully, they don't mind that either.Some of them I still seek out as.
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