Though I left it up to Chris to arrange and thus decorate the gardens themselves, it was my job to see they were weeded and looking pristine in appearance. This was my time as well, early in the morning while it was still cool and pleasant enough to be doing so. Even as I weeded almost automatically, I was lost in thought ... thoughts I knew damn well I shouldn't be imagining, entertaining. Especially now. And yet ... there I was, doing just that. So absorbed in my thoughts I once again didn't hear Robyn's approach, jumping again now upon hearing the sound of her voice so unexpectedly."Coffee?" Jesus!" I yelped like a pup, almost falling over causing her to laugh."Sorry ... didn't mean to scare you." You didn't ... scare me. Startled me a little yes," I said with a bit of irritation in my tone of voice, not really meaning to. "Thanks," I then added far more politely, accepting the cup of freshly brewed coffee she handed me as she stood there sipping her own."You're welcome," she. Eventually I started playing little game with myself to get some small release while keeping my darker urges at bay. Allowing a little touch here “by accident”, a little flirt here… “just playing around”, or if I got really brave I would ask her about her love/sex life. If she noticed, she never said anything, though sometimes she would catch me staring. I always tried to come off as a protective and caring family member, but it was these darker thoughts that got me through the night… and sometimes even through fucking various girls that I couldn’t bring myself to care about.The first time I acted on these feelings I was eighteen and she was fifteen. I had just graduated from high school and was having a family dinner to celebrate, then I planned to go to a party back at my place, my roommate was having a promising end of school bash. I used the party as an excuse to dress up, though it was really Beth I wanted to impress. We were having dinner at a Chinese restaurant downtown; I was.
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