Spoken like a true alcoholic. Maybe with a little practice… I would love to just up and judge myself a complete asshole for lacking the gumption to yell and scream and cause a scene, for lacking the ability to show up at her house every day and sit with her, talk to her, until she got disgusted enough with herself to quit on her own. It is, I think, too bad that life does not follow the same logic as the stories I write. If it were a story I had been thinking of, I would not have had such a dearth of strength. This year has been the most difficult yet, and I am left weak. If I go to hell for anything, it will be that. Perhaps one day, I will be a good enough person to destroy myself for another. But on the porch, with a beer in my hand I wasn’t that cool. The argument I use to console myself is that if I cannot be strong enough for myself, how can I be strong enough for someone else? The thought pattern strikes me as something very much like bullshit. It’s in our makeup to preserve. You might pay me a little attention, too.” I grinned at the dark-haired beauty kneeling beside me. Her blue eyes sparkled as she licked her full, red lips then dove back onto the rod of flesh that was my member. I intertwined my fingers into her black curls and caressed her scalp as she bobbed on my meat. My eyes, however, stayed locked on the vision of my neighbor’s cock plowing into the furrow of my wife’s welcoming sex. It hadn’t seemed too long a journey to accomplish this level of gratification. My loving wife discovered my particular kink when I inadvertently left a link to one of my favorite sites in the browsing history of the computer. “Guess what I found on the internet?” she asked one afternoon. “A new recipe?” I offered in all innocence. She shook her coppery locks. “Shywives dot com,” she said. My belly tumbled. She sat next to me, taking my hand in hers and looking me in the eyes, her own sparkling. “Let’s talk,” she said, softly. I shrugged my shoulders guiltily. “I.
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