"You still play with barbie dolls?" cousin Hap's voice laughed.I turned around startled to see him standing in the bedroom doorway, laughing his head off."Yea so what!" I said, pretending that I didn't care ... but felt secretly embarassed.I had always wanted him to think I was grown up and not some baby."Youre 15 years old, thats what. Don't you have a boyfriend yet?" he chuckled."I told you no boy ever kissed me and I don't care if its weird. I still pay with barbies" I said smugly, hiding one of them behind my back.Cousin Hap came and sat next to me on the bed."Hap you better get off this bed! Granny will catch you!" I whispered, looking out the window to see a sign of her."She went to the market with aunt Pinky. Anyhow, why would I get in trouble for sitting on the bed with you? Its not like we doing anything wrong" he said.I didn't want to mention what happened between us, but he was the first boy to ever kiss me. After that happened, the feelings I had for him burned inside me. The anger at my circumstances only made it all the harder toget through another day, or at least what I had now termed "day".Some "nights" I slept better than others, but I think that it was dueto the fact that on those "nights", something special was slippedinto my food to ensure a soundless sleep. I would wake and find my nailstrimmed, my hair brushed out and rebraided. I wouldfind myself shaved...everywhere. Oh, I don't think that I was used sexually. Iwould have felt the effects of that at some point. There would have been afeeling of soreness or of having been stretched. There would have been. I wouldalso find the floors beneath my feet devoid of crumbs and other debris, mainlydust and food scraps, my tic, tac,toe board. I would find the smell in this little darkened chamber a bitfresher, the hole in the floor cleaned of my excrement. Someone was taking care of me. That muchI knew. I was healthy. I hadn't suffered so much as a sniffle since I hadgotten here. But the why of the.
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