I wanted dolls. Tiny china tea services. As I grew older, I played only with girls, loved only girly games, spent all my time with girls. The bullying started when I was about eight. The name calling, the thumps and blows. I endured a few years of that, simply not understanding why it was happening. Despite this, I went on playing with the girls. Hopskotch, wall flowers (a singing game with very girly dance movements). But the bullying increased in intensity and I saw the only way out as trying to conform to male gender conditioning. At grammar school, with no girls to play with, I decided to butch up. The bullying stopped. I played rugby and hated it but saw it as a way of conforming. At 12 I began to masturbate but always to the idea of dominant males. I began to believe that the only way they would even consider me as a sexual partner would be if I appeared to be female. So I started to wear my mother's clothes and soon began to love girdles and suspender belts and stockings.. I remember thinking then that my marriage was over. Because there was no way I was gonna deny who I was any longer. After that I spent every free moment at the adult arcade. A few days later I went to Target and bought more sexy high heels. Then I went to Wal-Mart and bought some more red lipstick. There was a wig shop in El Cerrito that I had spotted before, so I went in and told the owner what I was looking for. She was a Filipina lady named Marlene, and she was really cool. She brought down several wigs for me to try on. When I went in the store I was not in drag, and was just wearing shorts and a t-shirt. I had brought Annie's black silk Frederick's of Hollywood shorty robe and a pair of high heels in a bag, and I asked Marlene if I could use a dressing room to change. You should have seen the look on her face when I stepped out of that dressing room, wearing one of her wigs, the silk robe, the high heels, and a coat of sexy red lipstick on my full lips! She couldn't believe that.
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