The price of living in a poor Pomona neighborhood was the need for a residential defense system. Cholos put their entire savings into buying a mean pup out of the trunk of an El Camino. Their biggest pride was walking Oscar: They’d walk wide legged and leaning back nearly 45 degrees because they made Oscar tear forward with all its might. The summer sun was beating down on the Inland Empire at an excess of 100 degrees. Mona was glad to walk into the shade of the garage. The skin had a cool, even wet sensation. The dust stood in the air. Her nose closed up a little bit. She threw the empty orange nets from selling oranges at the Rio Rancho on ramp to the 71 on the floor. The white 90′ Camry, El Rosa Doble, was on blocks. She kicked the pair of brown Caterpillar boots underneath El Rosa Doble with her Hawaiian motif Roxy flip flops. ‘Whatchadoin, Bradley?’ ‘Just changing oil.’ Mona patted her skirt to her thigh and slipped under El Rosa Doble. Latex gloved Bradley was swiveling a wide. Must be no taller than 5'8 and no heavier than 160 pounds. Feminine features strongly preferred. Check and check! Next, there were the mental requirements. Must be intelligent (Check). Must be very submissive and willing to learn and serve in whatever manner asked (Check). Last, there was the time requirement. This was the most difficult requirement that I'm sure knocked out a lot of candidates. Must dedicate yourself to this program for the entirety of the next three months. No free time. This is not a joke. If you have any other obligations, you are not eligible for this position. Luckily for me, I am such a pathetic loser that I don't have any friends or significant others who would miss me. And also, I'm a pilot. I work for six months, then I'm off six months. I qualified! After an exchanging of emails, phone calls, and one in-person interview I was offered the position, which took all of one second for me to accept. I was instructed to arrive with nothing other than the clothes.
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