Your body is generating stuff inside that makes you every bit as much grown up as your mom, at least physically. You can have a baby just as easily as she did. And you can get sexually excited just as easily as she does. Unzipping a boy's pants and holding him in your hand has got to generate all kinds of hormones and emotions inside you, and that's what is supposed to happen. It's just that at our age, our parents don't think we are ready to enjoy all the benefits of being a grown up yet, and so they don't want us to have sex until we are older." Heidi was trying to explain all of this to her younger friend in a manner that an older sister teaches a younger one."Well, didn't it make you excited, too?" Yes, of course it did. I tried to envision myself in that video in place of her. Yes, it made me very excited. I can feel the wet spot in my pants now as we walk." Do you think you could do that to a guy?" Emily asked, almost reluctantly."Sure! Not every guy, but guys that I am. I sniffled a couple of times, and got myself under control. I let them know what had happened, and about Coach's plan to meet early on Monday morning. We sat up together, the four of us, for about an hour, talking about the accident and how much our town was going to be affected by the tragic news.Finally, exhaustion set in, and I slowly found my way to my room and shut the door. I needed a shower. I was hoping the hot water would wash away the last hour, clean it up and present it again with better news. I spent about twenty minutes standing there, just letting the scalding water rush over me. The water started cooling as the water heater ran out, so I finally turned the water off and stepped out to dry off. I flopped into bed, the lights off, but it was many hours before I finally drifted off into a troubled sleep.I was feeling pretty awful when I got up in the morning. My sleep was fitful and restless. I couldn't remember any of my dreams but they left a bad aftertaste, a lingering.
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