I began to fantasize about my twentieth birthday. I would have a big party and afterward Dave would take me to his bed and make love to me. One night as I lay in bed fantasizing about Dave I felt a tingling sensation between my legs. I didn't know what it was but I like it and the way it made me feel. I squeezed my legs together to try and intensify the feeling. That just made the feeling more intense. Without really knowing why, I reached between my legs and pressed my fingers against my vulva. I couldn't believe how wonderful touching myself like that felt. I began to gently rotate my fingers against my pussy and then it happened. My body suddenly went stiff, and then it felt as though I was being lifted off the bed and spun around in a soft warm cloud. My whole body tingled as I felt like I was going higher and higher. When I reached the peak of my delight I drifted slowly back down and I was eventually aware that I was breathing heavily but I had this general feeling of well. I was filled with grief and sin. Grief that I had broken my vows. I had now experienced pleasure, but also committed a major sin. I knew I was doomed.We got dressed and drove back to my parish. She immediately wanted to confess for her sins and we prayed together. I told her we would never speak of this situation again. After that meeting, I never saw her again. I dreamed about her day and night. I wished she’d come back and perhaps we could embark in a new life together.The next few weeks I had trouble listening to confessions and having masses in the church. My mind and body just kept thinking of her. I prayed day in and day out and knew that God had heard my prayers. I knew he had forgiven me. I could hardly forgive myself. I had put in for a sabbatical and was granted one. I needed to clear my head and decide if I wanted to be a priest anymore.I left the church and began on my journey. I prayed while I drove. I had pulled down off the highway to try and find a restaurant. I was.
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