It's just me that she cares for and wishes to give her attention to. It's a nice feeling to have and it is an amazing thing to see, inspiring even, but I often worry that I am hurting her in the same way that he hurt me.I try to eradicate him from my thoughts, I really do, but it is not easy and I feel like a terrible, inadequate person because I have not found the strength to accomplish it. Especially as it complicates certain aspects of my relationship with Darci, like sex, for example. There have been times where it is not her I think of and it is not her name that I wish to call out. This has caused me to become more careful during our love making, and I have grown increasingly anxious when all I desperately want to do is let go and enjoy myself. I keep going back and forth with the thinking that I should let him go somehow and give my all to Darci. It is what she deserves given everything that she has done for me, after all. But in truth, I do not want to. I want to have him in. Stupidly I watched as her sword disappeared and she leaned over the bar and grabbed the little lockbox of gold. ‘Come on,’ she repeated, and began walking calmly to the door amidst the running flow of panic. I climbed over the bar slowly, wincing. My arm was bleeding profusely and the adrenaline rush had left me weak. In the chaos no one paid me much attention and I slipped out the front with the herd. In the confusion she found me and dragged me to my bike at the far edge of the lot, away from the crowd. She flicked her fingers and the light above us went out, leaving us in shadow. ‘Who are you?’ ‘I’m the Morrigan, the Macha. I am the Raven, and you are my champion.’ Most off the words made sense individually but strung together in such a way taxed my mind as all my past selves seemed to argue. The older ones knew Macha Morrigan very well, a goddess of death, blood, women. Sometimes of sexuality and wealth, she was a triumvirate goddess, and the mother was before me. There was the.
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