We laughed, we joked, we washed each other, we made passionate love, and we lived every minute to the fullest. I couldn't remember every being so completely happy to wake up in the morning, and Rhonda said she felt the same way.Then the day before Granddad was due to arrive, we came close to losing it all.I was up on the tower talking to Granddad on Rhonda's cell phone. We left it up there because she was able to plug her charger into the power converter. I was telling Granddad how to get to the road that we used, that it would make it a lot easier to bring in the replacement groceries he was bringing along as well as carry down all my and Rhonda's stuff to the 4-Runner.I was strolling around the walkway, talking on the phone when my peripheral vision caught some movement in the trees. My brain automatically assumed it was probably a deer, and I stepped inside to get the binoculars. But then, it occurred to me that I saw the color blue, and there was nothing about any wild creature I. Today, it was easy to rationalise that during the last two years I had not functioned as a whole human being, but even in my darkest hours I had tried to be a good father, I knew that I could never take the place of their mother, but I the fact that I loved them was never in doubt. I always made sure that there was food on the table, the washing and ironing was done, doing everything in my power to ensure that I kept a sense of normality and routine, even if my heart was breaking on the inside. I also tried to balance my business and home life making the children secure in the knowledge that they were my number one priority and that I loved them very deeply. They knew that I was hurting and I made sure how much they understood how I loved their mother and how much she loved them, as I said she had made a tape before she died, and it was always available to them when ever and however often they needed to watch it. She was to be an integral part of their life, but they needed to be.
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