Actually perhaps I’m getting carried away. I certainly was at the time. When I calm down I recall, she’s not actually like that. But that evening at that moment, that’s how she was to me. She looked at me like I was an entertaining guinea-pig in a pet shop window. She was my Superior, and there was no room in her world view for any alternative. That is it, that is what caught me and held me at that party. Not that I could have expressed it in that way at the time. I knew nothing of women like her at that stage in my life. I confused my desire for her with my desire for other things, which is, to have them, to enjoy them, to make use of them. Which made it all the harder to understand why, when I caught her inspecting me like that, I didn’t just acknowledge her glance and take control of the situation. Go over and chat. What I would have done, that is, with any other girl. Instead I kept my eyes away from hers, and turned, slightly, to face her. I didn’t know why, but. She walked over to the little fridge in the room and got two beers. We spent the rest of the night discussing everything but our project. Over the next two weeks I got to know the two of them really well. Sue was a little uptight at first, but she eventually began to accept me being in her room with Brenda every time she came home. I found out that Brenda has a little teasing streak. Every now and then we would be working on something and she would get this really evil look on her face and just stop and tell me that Sue had never figured out that I could see her in the mirror. Sometimes she would ask me if I had been spying on any other “innocent little girls” or if I though she would look as good in purple as Sue did. In general we laughed. A lot. Like I said, I fell in love with her. As much as I wanted her, Brenda never really did anything to tell me that she was interested in more. I kept trying in my fumbling kind of way, but she just politely ignored the passes I made..
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