Beth believes in both of You. Okay, I'm playing the 'what if?' game tonight. I've giving You the benefit of the doubt. But I won't try to fool You and act pious. That wouldn't work. So what's a guy supposed to do in my place. My heart is open. My mind is open. I'm here in this beautiful woman's arms asking You to enter my heart and mind if You want me to become a believer. According to the Christians, You could save me if You wanted to, and yet I'm not feeling it. My guess is there is no You. It's all a crock of shit. Now help Beth tolerate my use of profanity. Remind her that You know what's in my mind and heart. You know I am open. You know I use words like shit and God damn it and Jesus fucking Christ every now and then. It's no secret." They I lay silent for a minute. "Okay, God. Okay Jesus. You guys don't want me. Maybe You exist for Beth, but You sure as hell don't exist for me. I gave You this opportunity to speak to me and You turned me down. I'll remain open, of course. You. WhenI arrived home there was a message on my answeringmachine to remind me of the meeting, as if I would haveforgotten I thought and laughed to myself. I ate earlyand decided to have a bath and try to relax, also a fewgin and tonics… more than I should have had too. Ilay in the bath thinking and drinking for probably anhour, and by the time I emerged I was very relaxed…Ilooked in the mirror at myself and then decided todress sexily… why not? Not for Norman or the dog, butfor me.I wanted and needed to feel good. Black suited me well,and black underwear with black stockings seemed to fitthe bill topped by a slinky black number and blackpatent heels. And so I relaxed with some soft jazzuntil the door bell rang at exactly 9 pm. I bet he’sbeen waiting outside in the car I thought to myself.I stepped aside as they entered, Blackie looking aboutat this strange new environment, as did Norman, I ledthem through to the lounge, which was a large open roomwith plenty of.
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