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I have no words," she said.I sat there utterly stunned. She had no words? I had no words either. Include me. How? She'd already totally shredded my manhood."Okay, I dare. I deny it! Got it. Yes, I let you do me last night. Yes, I knew I was getting some other man's leavings. But, I was out of it, lost. I didn't really know what I was doing. Today, I do know, Elise."Elise you have already cut me so low I have to look up to see my goddamned footprints. I'm nothing in bed? Sloppy seconds in my future—I mean me willingly and gratefully accepting mercy fucks and sloppy seconds to make you feel better about destroying me? Never again!" I said. "Never again! Hell will freeze over before I accept your idea of togetherness."This is the deal, Elise. Okay, no sex for me anymore. At any rate, not until I am single again. I get it: I understand what I am to you now. It'll be tough on me, but I will just have to do without until I can afford to move out and get a divorce. I figure a few months,. My mates chewed the stuff all the time to keep their teeth clean, but that didn't work for me. I still brushed my teeth twice a day, although I sort of resented it and wished it wasn't necessary. It was September maybe, and it was raining, but it wasn't the start of the long wet winter yet. Just a rainy day like everyplace gets sometimes. The boys were with me, nearby on our blankets. Bush was sleeping, Bandy chewing his own much larger piece of leather, and Barley grooming himself lazily.We all lifted our heads when we heard the truck pulling up to the house. It didn't have a muffler, or more likely it had a big rusty hole in the one it had, so it growled and sputtered until whoever was driving shut it off. The boys were outside quickly and I followed them into the drizzling rain, stepping onto the cold gravel and combing my fingers through my long black hair just to get it out of my face. I sat down on the narrow strip of grass that grew alongside the house, sheltered somewhat from.
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