The money meant so little now with most everything paid for by the grant, that I could only use very small amounts. I’d lost the girl I grew up loving, lost my best friend, lost my sister, lost my mother, lost Collie who’d walked away from me in disgust even though she couldn’t function independently and lost Tabby who had dragged the worst of my darkness out into the light of day and had bared her own to me. Six bonds I would have bet anything couldn’t have been broken and yet they were all shattered. Through it all, this one woman had forged a new one with me, drawing me to her even as others pushed me away, revolted by me.I was grateful for her. My recent experiences had taught me that nothing is forever and I hoped she’d stay, but if she went, I wanted to have as many happy memories with her as I could get and I hoped to God that if we couldn’t make it work, we could part fondly and not taint those memories.I smiled and put thoughts of losing her out of my head. Instead, I. ’ Sarah looked at him. ‘I don’t understand.’ ‘It’s training. It’s socialisation. Hurting people is okay, so you learn how to do that. Being nice to people isn’t okay unless you’re in love, so you learn to be in love.’ ‘Ben, you don’t believe that.’ ‘I don’t know. I believe in hypocrisy. I believe some people can’t admit that they’re just horny, they’ve got to dress it up with love.’ ‘Maybe.’ Ben shrugged. ‘Maybe not. I was guessing. I do a lot of guessing. Might just be self-deluding bullshit on my part, too.’ She said carefully, ‘I think he thought he loved me.’ ‘Did you love him?’ ‘I don’t know.’ She squeezed Ben’s arm. ‘At least he won’t be able to do that to Crista, he’ll be too self-conscious.’ ‘You’re taking this awfully well.’ ‘Am I?’ she asked him. ‘I don’t know. I never got dumped before.’ ‘I’ve been dumped. Trust me, you’re taking this well.’ They walked in silence until they came to Sarah’s door. She turned to face him. ‘Do you want to come in?’ ‘Do you still want me to?’.
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