All the while I was doing this, my racing brain was telling me that itwas wrong and I was desperately trying to force myself to stop; all to noavail. Having laid the clothing out on the bed, I started to undress.Surely this weird compulsion wasn't going so far as to make me put theclothes on? The very idea was ridiculous. Even if I had wanted to dressas a woman - and I didn't - there was no way these delicate garmentswould fit my burly frame. But that was exactly what happened next. Nosooner was I naked but that I stepped into the girdle; wriggled it upround my waist and fastened the hooks and zipper. To my amazement itfitted! Either the garment had stretched more than was reasonable, or mywaistline had inexplicably shrunk.Next I sat on the edge of the bed, opened the packet of nylons, rolledthem into a doughnut shape and carefully slid first one and then theother over my feet and up my legs. Making sure that I had the seamsstraight, I fastened the welts of the stockings to the garter. I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?Take my advice — I'm not using it.My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.If you keep.
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