"I know honey. For the first time in your life you feel like yourpart of the group, even if it is as a girl." No mom, that's not it. Part of it, but not all." Looking her rightin the eye..."I want to be a girl mom. Not a fake girl, like now, buta real girl...completely real, like you, and someday I will be. Whatyou said was true. Once I started this there would be no going backyou said. But you meant it in the legal sense. But that's not what Ifeel mom! I feel, when Bill holds me I...even when I'm around him, Ifind myself wanting something more! Does that make sense? Am I crazy?Am if I'm not, then why didn't I do what Michelle did when she was inhigh school!?"Even though I was happy with the changes that had made me more like agirl, I fell into mom's arms, sobbing like a baby, sure that she wasangry with me for what I had done. She held me as we stood there, asa mother, and a new daughter."I think I knew that already Mary," she said gently into my ear,"when Bill showed up for your. But did it? A germ of an idea began to form in my mind, an idea so outrageous, so bloody ridiculous that I almost dismissed it out of hand, but it kept coming back to me, perhaps it wasn't so silly after all, perhaps it could work."Fuck it" I said aloud, "I'll make it fucking work!" It's the first sign of madness you know"They'd rejoined me and taken an arm each as we walked back to where we'd left our clothes,"What is?" Talking to yourself" mum laughed and I laughed with her, but still that crazy bloody idea was nagging at me!I was pretty quiet all the way home, the girls knew there was something on my mind, but they didn't push and I didn't volunteer to talk about it, it was such a fucking outrageous idea, I needed to think it through a bit longer before mentioning it to them!"We're going shopping Jamie, are you coming with us?" No I don't think so mum, I'll go into the village though and get some more dope from the girls if they're there" Oh ok"she didn't seem too pleased at that.
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