I told her…“No, honey, I’m just fine! You didn’t hurt me.”She asked me…“But are you sure? I hit you pretty hard. Should you get it checked?”Doing some quick thinking I said….“Maybe I’ll go out to my car and check it out. I just hope I can see if there is anything wrong down there.”With that subliminal suggestion she jumped in and volunteered and said…Well, since I’m the one who hurt you the least I can do is help you check it out. Besides, I work for a vet and I am used to seeing things like that.”So, without any of Baskin Robbins 49 flavors of ice cream we headed to my car. Thankfully today we took my vehicle to the mall. My wife has a Smart Car; damn thing isn’t big enough for a lunch pail and an ice pop. I drive a full size Chevy Suburban; and she hates it and won’t drive it because it’s too big. As we left the mall I hobbled like I was a bit sore and then after we got to my vehicle we hopped in the back seat so I knew we would have enough room to “examine” the damages. Once in. Apparently January 20th was"National Fetish Day," and, as my editor kept reminding me, I had toproduce something by the end of the week to coincide with this.Lazy journalism is awash all over the internet in 2017. Websites andpublishers care more about hits and ad revenues than actual content. Theytreat their audience with a distain that almost says "I know you clickedon this out of pure boredom ? probably while taking a shit'. It's not whyI got into the profession. And yet on that night I began producing mylaziest piece of work to date. It might just have happened to change mylife. Maybe even saved it?I slouched in to my office chair, began googling "fetish," in the hope offinding something quick and easy to plagiarise. Keep the work wolves atbay tomorrow. Stumbling across the all too familiar top 10s, top 17s, 5things you didn't know type nonsense, my idea formed. A quick easy list"common fetishes that aren't actually that unusual'. Easy. Then I'll gobuy food and veg out in front.
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