What really bothered her, Carolyn knew, was not the loss of income should she find a means of escape... but the knowledge that she had come to need the violent inescapable uncontrollable sexual reactions. Her body craved the prolonged stimulations which always brought her to the brink of ecstasy where the morals of civilization no longer mattered, where nothing mattered except wild wonderful orgasms. There! She had finally admitted it. She was afraid of Jason Benson... but she was more afraid of doing without the sexual satisfaction the dogs gave her. There was a certain relief in admitting it to herself, Carolyn thought, but a psychologically unnerving thing to realize that a man couldn't satisfy her animal appetites.My god! The realization hit her suddenly. I've become no more than an animal myself! She gripped the back of the seat where she had been absentmindedly laying her bra and panties, gripped until her fingers were white. I've got to get out of here... now... NOW! Or I'll go. Their needs, what they can give us, the happiness they can give us, we can give them.”I felt a few isolated tears starting in the corners of my eyes. I knew he was right, but still, such a big part of me didn’t want to let go of him, to recognize that this man I still loved now belonged to another. Part of me wanted to hate her, but however much I sometimes intentionally tried, I couldn’t bring myself to hate her. I’d been the one who’d been greedy beyond measure. Like some ancient Elizabeth Taylor Cleopatra-type character, demanding the love and devotion of all the men around me, never mind the unfairness of me being the sole greedy sun at the center of the little world we’d built. It had felt so damned good – Dave, Chris, Malcolm, Callan – until it had all exploded like some unstable supernova.Closing my eyes for a moment to slow the tears, I opened them to return Dave’s look, a deep sigh prefacing my sense of resignation as if my greedy soul was finally accepting the new world,.
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